chronicles of a state

state chronicles are an up-to-date account of the state of caleighfornia and flaurida's lives.

"i can genuinely see me sleeping with him and becoming a twitter update"

— caleigh (on men who update twitter with every aspect of their lives)

"i might be living vicariously through you right now, like people do with a really good rom-com"

— caleigh (on being amused by laura’s love life)

"so long as you always stand next to me in photos, your head will never look fat"

— caleigh (on having a fat head)

"bad decisions make epic stories"

— caleigh (on why she fucks up her life on a weekly basis)

"he’s banging on about how all pretty girls are cunts, so now i’m confused about whether i’m a cunt or just ugly.."

— caleigh (on being unsure whether or not she’s a cunt)

"oh yes, ‘i don’t know who the fuck it was, i’m just going to look at the carnage photos for a guy in a denim shirt’.. the epic tale of a search for a guy in a denim shirt. because there could only be one."

— laura (on caleigh’s inability to remember men)

"weaintdickhaven.com student lettings or porn site??"

— caleigh (on competing with studenthaven.com)

on men who are unlucky

  • laura: his internet just cut out
  • caleigh: unlucky with internet as he is with love, i dig

on not being invited to shower time

  • laura: i've just had a shower by the way
  • caleigh: where was my invite..

"he’s jokes i cannot deal with this. i just wanted sex."

— caleigh (on not wanting a lot from men)

"casually liking your profile pic cause i want people to know you’re my property"

— caleigh (on not wanting to share laura)

"some people need to give up on breathing"

— caleigh (on people who need to cease to exist)

"yeah. we went for coffee. sounds so fucking grown up."

— caleigh (on finally behaving like an adult with the opposite sex)

"just kill me. i don’t want to live on this planet anymore. brb i’m off to live on mars to get some sleep tonight."

— laura (on not being able to deal with beauty pageant life)

on honey-boo-boo-child

  • laura: that woman looks horrendous
  • caleigh: so does her child.